31 weeks.
I'm itchy.
My elbows, my fingers, my ankles, my neck, my back, the palms of my hands. All itchy. Unbearably itchy. The yellow flies have had their way with me. The mosquitoes have sucked me dry, and I'm itchy. Unbearably itchy.
But more than that, I'm itching.
I'm itching to create. I've been doing a little research here and there, and one thing continues to ring true in my heart. I want to start something...create something. I want to bring life back into a program. I want to create something brand new; however, I keep finding myself in situations where I get caught under the weight of what someone else wants for a program.
Right now, I'm drowning in a program I don't really believe in--a program that is swimming in potential, but a program that just won't...or maybe can't...take off its floaties.
I want to start over--I want to go into a program where the expectations are for me to revive, strengthen, and create.
But now we wait...for that still small voice that has always been with me, guiding me like the wind in a sail. A wind that never ceases nor leaves me.
Just as it sent Moses into Egypt, it leads me:
"So now, go. I am sending you."
May you revive, live with integrity, create new breath of life, and may you love well! The time will come for you to resurrect and bring life to something that has lost it's breath.
ReplyDeleteuntil then ... continue to research, dream, and learn how to invoke passion and strengthen dreams of those that will be along side you for this process of resurrection.
go in peace as you are sent out.
Dude I feel ya. State-funded programs are so tricky in this economy... because they don't promote any kind of creativity except for conservation (i.e. creative scheduling of staff, creative use of limited resources, etc.) but nothing to promote "business" because the "business" of helping at-risk kids is always gonna be there as long as there are broken homes.
ReplyDeleteThat said...I think if there's any hope, it's that being in the woods with limited resources will give you more creative insight than you could have ever dreamed of. Speaking of itching, did you know that listerine is an awesome insect repellant/ itch relief? It's true! But what I mean is, I never would have figured that out if I hadn't been in a crappy environment with limited resources. Being cold and away from shopping malls, learning how to knit. Or being without music and starting drum circles with buckets or making bass guitars out of poles and buckets.
I know this may come back to bite me, but when I was in a program that I saw as a sinking shop, I felt like most of my potential was realized when I just completely ignored "program" and followed my gut. It's all about the kids anyway. Don't be bogged down my the program, BE the program.
All my love care and support.