you were given life.

23 weeks.

You were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight. Eat, Pray, Love; Elizabeth Gilbert

I think it is a testament to the dramatic shift in dynamics at my job that I can come home to Texas with a smile on my face and can laugh at the stories I tell to my family about my kids and the craziness at camp. I feel like I've done a really steady job of maintaining a positive mindframe about my work--seeing the bad and finding the good on daily basis, being intentional about wrapping everything up nicely with a positive spin. Obviously, some weeks are harder than others, and there was a solid 8-week stint of tough times that had my entire family wrecked with worry about what in the world I was getting myself into at this camp.

My mom asked me yesterday to rate on a scale of 1 to 10 how glad I was that I made the decision to go to this camp. I told her a 9, and she looked shocked. Her next words were, "I was ready to fly back up to North Carolina with you at the end of your stay and pack your things if there was any piece of you that looked unhealthy." Instead of looking unhealthy, she said I looked great. As much as I struggle with a number of things at camp, I'm happy there. Especially with my new group. I feel safe finally, and that is really all it took for me to begin to enjoy my job again. Safety was the ticket for my happiness to come back, my laughter instead of tears.

All but one of my kids went home this weekend, and I went home too. Much deserved on all parts, I believe.

In Eat, Pray, Love, there's a moment in Italy where the author has a conversation about how every city has a word that defines it, and that most people who live there also fit that definition. For example, Rome's would be SEX, and Naples would be FIGHT. She starts to try to identify her word, so that she can identify where she belongs. I found that profound--that we can all sum ourselves up into one word. Maybe mine is LOVE or DEVOTION, ADVENTURE or FREEDOM. I'm not sure. I feel that those are so...mushy, that they don't give testament to the darker parts of me that aren't always visible.

I think I'll spend the next few days in Texas trying to figure out what my word is...and maybe I'll find a place one day that is my match.