dogwoods in bloom.

10 weeks down. 94 to go.

Spring has come, and it is most obvious that it has arrived. The grass is turning green, flowers are popping up along the road, and most impressively and spectacularly, the Dogwoods are in bloom. Rows of trees that only a week ago were barren and brown are now covered in white blossoms. The earth is transforming around me, and I have a front row seat to watch the presentation.

As the earth transitions, I'm feeling some transition in my world as well. A few counselors have left the program. A few new counselors are coming in. I'm no longer the newest counselor, and spent the last 10 days of work alone in group. That alone made for some interesting stories.

More than all of this, though, my group is in transition. 5 of the 11 campers remain who were in group when I first arrived. 5 new campers have joined the ranks. With this many new campers, the dynamic of the group is changing, and most worrisome is that my oldest camper, my leader, is graduating within the next month.

Everytime I think about this, my heart breaks and my brain explodes. Camp is successful when it functions the right way, when the standards are upheld. This camper knows and holds standards better than I do. He's taught me just as much as my co-counselors and my training. I don't want him to go. I fear what will happen to the group when he leaves. I wonder if there's a camper that is ready to step up and lead the group, and I wonder if that next leader is the leader this group needs.

What worries me most is whether or not I am ready to develop a new leader. I am still learning, still mastering the routine, still finding the happy medium between what is black, white, and gray so that I can be consistent for my campers. For camp to run well, it needs counselors to be consistent and to stay. As this transition commences, I know that when the dust has settled, I will be the chief of my group, and I hope I don't fail my campers.

What gives me hope is this: I have the heart to do this. I have built up some emotional strength to get me through the hard times. I am learning the patterns of problems and am gaining the experience to handle these problems. And so very important: I am supported by my peers and supervisors.

I have survived the winter. Challenges are still to come, but the Dogwoods are in bloom, the skies are blue, and things are going to be all right. It's the little miracles in life that keep you going, and I am surrounded by miracles each day. The sun that brings light into the night sky, the Woodpeckers in the distance, the playful Cardinals in the trees, the laughter of my kids on a good day, the accomplishments of my kids on a bad one, the slow creep of darkness into the day, the light of lanterns at night, and the sounds of the woods at night once the kids are asleep. God is all around me, and I am tuned in.